BECKHAM COMING TO AMERICA --

EXCITED TO PLAY FOR GALAXY FAN

Jan 11 - LOS ANGELES - David Beckham has signed on to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team, despite the fact that the Galaxy has a fan base of only three people – two of which are technically stadium vendors. Beckham, a former England Captain, says he looks forward to playing “in a more intimate environment.” “I’ve always believed this game is about catering to the fans and with the Los Angeles Galaxy having only three fans, give or take two, I expect to cater to them -- literally -- you know bring them snacks at halftime or what have you.” Another idea that Beckham threw out was potentially carpooling with the fans to games. Beckham noted, “L.A. traffic is just so wretched. It might be a nice bonding experience to drive to the pitch together. I have one of those Mini-Coups, so I figure me and all of the great Galaxy fans could pile in rather comfortably.”

OTHER PRESIDENT MONKEY BREAKING NEWS...