REPORT: CASTRO DEAD WILL RETURN TO POWER NEXT WEEK
TIME MAGAZINE REPORTS:
IRAN SECRETLY GAY FOR ISRAEL  Ahmadinejad speaks... "Yup, we're gay." Time Magazine is reporting that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad confessed his country is secretly gay for the State of Israel. Leaving a matinee of Nancy Meyer's The Holiday, Ahmadinejad is quoted as saying, "I guess all that hate was actually coming from a place of love. I'm still trying to get my head around it. It's a crazy time around here. That's for sure." Developing...
FINALLY! BUSH'S AMAZON.COM PACKAGE ARRIVES... READY TO ANNOUNCE IRAQ PLAN Breaking...
MEL GIBSON CONFESSES TONIGHT ON BARBARA WALTERS...
'Pretending to like Jews is the hardest acting gig I've ever had.'
He's played Hamlet and a 13th Century Scottish warrior, but having to pretend he likes Jewish people has proven to be the greatest challenge of Mel Gibson's career. In an interview tonight with Barbara Walters, Gibson describes just how difficult his mea culpa/"Apocalypto" promotional tour has been. Telling Walters, "Contrition. Remorse. These are not easy things to feign. It's very draining, you know." Gibby goes on to admit that if his anti-Semitic rant came earlier in his career, he might not have had the acting chops to trick the American public into believing him. Watch Mel with Barbara tonight on ABC!
NEW YEAR'S AT THE WHITE HOUSE At the White House, President Bush (r) and Vice-President Cheney (l) entertain friends and family with a light-hearted game of Hangman.
HUSSEIN IS EXECUTED DICTATOR WHO COMMITED CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY,ATTACKED AMERICA ON ITS ON SOIL, HARBORED TERRORISTS, THREATENED THE WORLD WITH AN ARSENAL OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS IS HANGED
PRESIDENT MONKEY EXCLUSIVE:
CRAIG’S LIST TO START ADVERTISING ON PROSTITUTES 
Jan 3, 2007 – SAN FRANCISCO -- Having long been a destination for hookers to advertise their services, website Craig’s List announced today that they will now start advertising their web service on hookers. In a synergistic matching likened by prostitute Cherry Cummings to “tops and bottoms”, Craig’s List intends to place their company’s name directly onto call girls’ body parts and clothing.
“It was a natural progression for us. It wasn’t like one morning I woke up and said ‘Hey, lets put our name on some hooker’s heiney’," says Craig Newmark, founder and CEO of Craig’s List. “But overtime, hooker-tising just started to make a whole lot of sense to us.”
An eye-opening survey conducted late last year by Craig’s List revealed that 98% of all their users came to the site with the sole intention of scoring a hooker. (Note: The other two percent were split between people looking for Justin Timberlake tickets and those hoping to sell their futon.) Newmark points out “If our main customers are johns, then we want to reach out and give them a good tug. And, literally, that’s what we’re going to do.”
Newmark projects by 2008 Craig’s List will have a “Craig’s Girl” (as they will be called) on the street corner of every inner-city in the U.S. Says Newmark, “It’s a lot like the Starbucks approach...only with hookers.”
Developing…
TAKE 2: AHMADINEJAD SET TO HOST CONFERENCE DENYING EXISTENCE OF HOLOCAUST DENIAL CONFERENCE
HILLARY SAYS SHE WOULDN'T HAVE VOTED FOR TAYLOR HICKS 
ABC News: As Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton assesses a possible presidential candidacy, she has taken another step away from her May vote for Taylor Hicks as American Idol by saying that she “wouldn’t have voted that way” if she knew everything she knows now. Frowning, Clinton added “I mean, have you heard this guy’s new single. He sounds like Fozzy Bear on crank.” Breaking...
TAKE THAT GOOGLE!!!
VIACOM SNAPS UP COMMODORE 64 FOR $1.7 BILLION After what many thought was missing the boat by not purchasing either MY SPACE or YOUTUBE, Viacom didn't waste any time today gobbling up Commodore 64. Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone personally oversaw the purchase of the gamer. In a press release issued today, 84 year-old Redstone states, "I put my ear to the ground to hear what the kids were into nowadays. And overwhelmingly, one after the next, I heard Commodore 64. Along side MTV and Comedy Central, Commodore 64 and it's hugely popular games Cricket 64 and Labrynth are going to be a perfect means to reach the youth of today."
| NEWS BRIEFS
Bush Cries... ...Finally Read Iraq Study Group Report
Congress Divided Over Bush Plan... 50% say 'It Sucks.' 50% say 'It Blows.'
DEMS TO BUSH: "We Reject Any Plans To Get Deeper Into Iraq." Bush: "That's ridiculous. I have no plans...at all. Seriously, I got nothing."
2006 Was Hottest Year Ever Recorded In US... Jessica Alba: 'Sorry.'
Report: 'Ahmadinejad To Tour Latin America'... 
...Menudo Set To Open!!!
2006 Only Moderate Year for Disasters... 
Mother Nature: 'Layoffs likely'.
Diddy's hoodies pulled after 'Fur' turned out to be dog fur!   Devito’s ‘Deck The Halls’ pulled after “film” turned out to be dog shit! NOT SO FAST! 
National Mourning for President Gerald Ford extended through April
North Korea insists on being treated as nuclear power...
...U.S. counters by offering to treat like a lady.
Taco Bell - E Coli Scare Continues
Man realizes taco tainted after it DOESN'T give him diarrhea
Bush decries:
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