UPDATE: JESUS BUMMED!

'BIG TICKET ITEMS' STILL REMAIN ON HIS AMAZON WISH LIST

Yesterday, President Monkey revealed Jesus Christ’s Amazon.com B-Day/X-Mas wish list. Now, today, PM news has learned Jesus is disappointed many of the ‘big ticket items’ still remain on his list.

Awoken early this morning by telephone, a disenchanted Jesus told a President Monkey reporter, “Look, it’s not like I check the site every minute or anything. But last night before I went to bed, I noticed that the Bo staff and the Terry cloth robes were still not purchased. Those were two things I was really hoping for.”

In recent years, it seems Jesus’ disciples have taken picking out gifts for him less than seriously. “My last few birthdays, I’ve gotten tons of WWJD monogrammed novelty items. The first couple of times I got them, it really made me laugh. But then they didn’t stop coming. It’s like I’m personally keeping Spencer Gifts in business. I just don’t have room for all this cr…stuff.”

Letting down his guard ever so slightly, Jesus grumbled, “Look, I’m not saying people should go and spend their whole life savings on me. But all year long I try to answer people’s prayers. And one day out of the year, they could return the favor.”

After a sigh, Jesus backpedaled, “Don’t get me wrong. I recognize people go all out for my birthday. With the lights and the trees and everything. I mean how many guys can say millions of people re-enact his birth on their front lawn. Not Columbus. That’s for sure. But I think in all that hoopla for Christmas people forget about Christ the man.”

With today being the last day to send gifts to arrive on Jesus’ actual birthday, Jesus admitted “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to peak at my wish list a couple more times. But at the end of the day, it’s in God’s hands”
Which apparently isn’t all that reassuring. Last year, Jesus noted, “God got me luggage. Ugh.”