PLACE YOUR BETS

With the opening of today’s session of Congress, gamblers in Vegas hurry to place their bets

on how exactly the Democrats will screw it all up.

Jan 3 - LAS VEGAS - As Democrats savor a return to political power with the opening of Congress today, gamblers in Vegas are lining up to bet on exactly how and when the Democrats will squander the good will of the American Public. Taking the levers of Congressional power is a major undertaking and one that many bettors are guessing will only take the Democrats days not weeks to do something incredibly stupid.

“It’s not an ‘if’, it’s a ‘when’ situation,” says long time odds maker Louis Bragoli. “There’s no doubt the Democrats are going to screw this thing up. I can give you better odds on the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series, than I can the Democrats making it to ’08 without a fistful of scandals tickling at their cabooses.”

And who exactly is going to be responsible for such a meltdown? “Take your pick,” says Bragoli. “My most popular bet is the 'under' on John Kerry.” This bet consists of John Kerry saying something that either alienates the troops or inadvertently endorses Al-Qaeda within the first hour of the first day of the first session of Congress.

But that’s not to stay the female Democrats are out of the mix. Bragoli notes, “I got a steady stream of takers on a Hillary sex scandal.” Hillary? “Hey, her last name is still Clinton,” exclaims Bragoli. "There’s also good money on the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, having herself a ‘Britney moment’ while standing up on the podium. We call that the bald eagle bet, if you catch my drift.”

As for Bragoli, who does he have his money on? “Me? Awe, I’m a nostalgic kind of guy. I place the same bet every year.” And, what’s that? “The Ted Kennedy Exacta. Yup, I think old Teddy boy has one more Chappaquiddick in him.”

Place your bets everybody.