“I’ve seen a lot of tennis in my life, but nothing that ever excited me quite like this,” said Jacobson who excused himself numerous times during the match to "use" the bathroom. “I mean, I always thought being a ball-boy was kinda gay, but after watching Ms. Sharapova up close, playing in the heat like that, I am absolutely certain being a ball-boy is the least gay thing on the planet.”

That’s not to say Jacobson didn’t have his own problems on the court. At times, it seemed he was running awkwardly to chase down balls. “Naw, it was no big deal. I guess every now and then I’d get a little stiffy, uh, stiff. That’s all.” Perhaps, it was just the heat that got to Jacobson. Numerous times during this interview Jacobson referred to Sharapova’s racket as “her rack”.

And, did Jacobson secretly have a bias for Sharapova? “To be honest, I really didn’t care who won. I don’t even know who Ms. Sharapova was playing. The only thing I wanted was for the match to go on as long as humanly possible.” Taking a whiff of a sweat-drenched wristband Sharapova left on the court, Jacobson wonders, "Who did win, anyway?"