PRESIDENT MONKEY -- SPORTS

SUSPENDED KOBE STILL SCORES
32 POINTS FROM BENCH

REPORT: GLOBAL WARMING MELTING
ICE RINKS AT ALARMING RATE
BECKHAM SERIOUSLY INJURED AFTER
CRASHING INTO PILE OF OWN MONEY
REPORT: A-ROD HURT BECAUSE JETER

RATHER HAVE SLEEP-OVERS WITH JESSICA BIEL

GUN FIGHTS DURING ALL-STAR WKND INSPIRE

NBA TO INCLUDE ACTUAL SHOOT-OUTS

IN NEW VIDEO GAME

MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL GROUPIES

REPORT TO SPRING TRAINING

AHEAD OF SCHEDULE

FREEZING TEMPS IN MID-WEST PARTICULARLY

HARSH FOR BEARS QB GROSSMAN

RAIN OBSCURES 'BOWL' BROADCAST--
COLTS SEEM TO HAVE WON GAME
EITHER PRINCE OR LITTLE RICHARD
PERFORMED HALF-TIME SHOW

DERBY KING BARBARO EUTHANIZED;

SCORES NEW ENDORSEMENT DEAL

SHAQ ARRESTS DRUNK DRIVER --

FAILS OWN ALPHABET TEST